Debt Consolidation: A Temporary Fix for a Deeper Problem
When I was in my thirties, I found myself in a difficult marriage that drained me in more ways than I could count—emotionally, mentally, and especially financially. Trying to make ends meet for the entire family, I began relying on credit and quickly found myself buried in debt. Desperate for a solution, I turned to a debt consolidation agency that promised to lower my payments and reduce what I owed. It sounded like the perfect fix, so I signed up, and soon all my debts were rolled into one simple monthly payment. For the first time in a while, I felt relief—no more juggling multiple bills or due dates. But with that relief came a false sense of freedom, and before long, I started spending again. Does that sound familiar?
If you’ve ever believed that debt consolidation could solve all your financial problems, there’s one crucial truth to remember: your behavior has to change too. Debt consolidation can be an effective tool for some people—but only when it’s paired with a real commitment to stop creating new debt. Once your payments become manageable, that’s the time to put away the credit cards, avoid new loans, and rebuild healthy financial habits.
Unfortunately, that’s not what usually happens. The moment we feel relief from the pressure of multiple bills, the urge to spend creeps back in. It feels comfortable again—and let’s be honest, after all that stress, it’s easy to convince ourselves that we deserve that new something we’ve been eyeing.
A survey by Forbes Advisor found that among people who used personal loans for debt consolidation:
~18% expected to fall back into debt within less than six months.
~35% expected to fall back into debt within six months to one year.
~26% expected to fall back into debt within one to two years.
Only ~4% believed they would remain debt-free indefinitely after consolidation.
A claim by Dave Ramsey cited in media is that 88% of people who take out debt-consolidation loans end up seeing their debt grow again.
The reason this happens is because your relationship with money hasn’t been healed yet. If money is tied to your sense of self-worth, validation, or how you believe others see you, then the root issue remains unresolved. In that case, it’s very likely you’ll slip back into old spending habits, accumulating new debt on top of your consolidated balance—leading to even deeper financial stress and struggle.
One of my clients struggled deeply with this very issue. She often turned to debt consolidation loans, only to find herself back in new debt each time. It eventually reached a point where she used her home as collateral to pay off multiple consolidation loans—and came dangerously close to losing it. For privacy, we’ll call her Mary.
Mary’s challenge stemmed from her need for validation through appearance and status. She wanted others to see her as successful and well-off, even though, in reality, she was broke and on the verge of homelessness. When we began working together and completed her initial financial discovery, it was clear that the first step had to be healing her relationship with money and uncovering why her self-worth was tied to how others perceived her financial situation. Psychologists call this conditional self-worth, which is the belief that one’s value depends on meeting certain external standards.
Through our discovery session, I learned that Mary’s parents divorced when she was still a child. After the separation, her father moved on and remarried a woman who always appeared to have wealth and status. Mary felt deeply rejected, as her father gradually drifted away from their relationship and became fully engaged in his new life. When Mary met her stepmother, she began comparing herself to her and unconsciously linked her father’s love and acceptance to this new woman’s appearance of affluence.
As Mary grew older and gained financial independence, she began spending excessively hoping that material success would earn her father’s validation and rekindle their connection. But because his emotional distance had nothing to do with money or image, her efforts went unnoticed, reinforcing her feelings of inadequacy. Over time, this pattern became deeply ingrained in her subconscious, teaching her that acceptance and worth were tied to wealth, or at least to looking like she had it.
The brain is wired to seek pleasure and avoid pain, and one of the key chemicals behind this process is dopamine, often called the “happy hormone” or the reward chemical. Dopamine is released when we experience something that feels good—whether it’s buying something new, receiving praise, eating comfort food, or getting social approval. It’s the brain’s way of saying, “That felt good—do it again!”
For someone like Mary, spending money or maintaining a certain image can trigger that same dopamine response. Each purchase or moment of validation creates a brief sense of excitement, confidence, or relief. The problem is that the feeling doesn’t last. Once the dopamine rush fades, the brain remembers the action that caused it and starts craving it again, leading to a cycle of reward-seeking behavior.
Over time, this pattern can become deeply ingrained. The brain starts associating spending, attention, or appearance with happiness and self-worth. But because the pleasure is temporary and surface-level, it never truly satisfies the deeper emotional need which is connection, love, or validation. That’s why even after the excitement wears off, we often go back to the same behaviors, chasing the next dopamine hit, while feeling emptier each time.
Breaking that cycle requires awareness and retraining the brain, learning to find joy and validation in healthier, more sustainable ways like purpose, gratitude, faith, and self-acceptance rather than in material or external rewards.
Once Mary uncovered the why behind her spending habits, she was finally able to start healing her relationship with money. Understanding the root cause changed everything, it wasn’t just about numbers anymore, but about emotional patterns that had been shaping her decisions for years.
Everyone’s story is different, and so are the behaviors that influence how we handle money. At Abundant You, we help you identify where those patterns began so you can rebuild a healthier, more empowering relationship with your finances.
The Bible reminds us in Proverbs 22:7, “The rich rule over the poor, and the borrower is slave to the lender.” When we live in debt, we often lose our sense of peace and control, feeling bound by the very things we thought would bring us comfort or security. But once you understand your relationship with money and learn to take authority over it, you begin to experience true financial—and emotional—freedom.
If you’re ready to stop letting money control you and start creating real freedom, schedule a Free Discovery Call with me. Let’s talk and see if you’re ready to take that first step toward the life you deserve.
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